First times

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i thought i was so in love with you back then

I thought the way your blue eyes glistened

under the orange summer haze

was the most incredible thing I’d ever seen

the soft cleft on your lip

and the half smile you had stitched onto your face

made my stomach flutter

Here’s to first clumsy kisses

rolling around hidden in tall grass

evening gloom

sun kissing our hands

intertwined

oh i miss those simpler days, those first-time loves

those first-time i-want-yous

first time i think i want you in adult way

those first times i felt

kissing you turns me to fire

and i think my body wants to feel your hands

oh i miss those soft summers

first-time drinking summers

first-time legal summers

first-time secret love summers

man, i thought i was so in love with you

and I was.

I was in love with the way you treated me

for the first-time

like a woman

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Farewell, Grandad.

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I never got to meet you 

But I love you like I love my father, and like my mother loves you.

She’s kinda broken, though still fierce.

Kinda messed up and kinda figuring her life out still; even though she’s already past 40.

I guess we never really stop doing that, cause life changes all the time and you’ve got to keep adapting, keep forwards. 

Her heart breaks which makes mine break even more.

So I’m hurting doubly for her.

I’m hurting too cause you were always far away, but the stories made me feel like I knew your love, always.

I got to know and love granny and I know that you were probably like her.

So I hurt again for her too. 

Losing you is like losing her all over again, and it’s hard to think that loss is inevitable in life. 

You were the last granddaddy standing. 

I hope your spirit keeps me moving for the rest of my life.

Thank you for giving me my mother.  

Escapisms

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I’ve found too many forms
of escapisms in my lifetime
I’ve discovered that the best thing
that I sometimes know how to do is
run
– occasionally with my head over my shoulder long enough to trip me up and drag me back to the source of my
so called problems.
And so I keep myself running
find solace in alcohol
a wonderland in cigarettes
and a place far, far far away in poison
until
the end of the night
when
I’m curled up
when
the thumping bass’s gone
when
I’m alone again
when
I come to remember that
I can never escape for long enough,
I can never escape far enough,
to get away from myself.