warm. ready, loving. waiting.

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I’d not heard your voice in a while

a few days maybe

I’m not too sure maybe

But i remember when i called you last;

I masked the tears on my face by strengthening my cracking voice.

You were so far away, and i needed you

i needed the scent of your skin, the warmth of your hands,

I needed the sound of your voice, the security of your arms

because i was scared

and it was one of those days where the pessimism cut me so deep nothing could yank me out. nothing but your smile and your hair in my hands as i held on to you tight

I was scared. that my heart was breaking again, breaking prematurely, in preparation for worst case scenarios spinning out of control in my mind

so I called you that night. I called you.

I heard you,

i heard you like i hear you now.

warm. ready, loving. waiting.

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you’re real

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You’re a portal in disguise of a blackhole

I don’t even know what I could possibly want from you

I don’t even know a future with you

half the damn time I don’t even know if you’re really good for me

But I know that I call you crying

and a few minutes later my tears are dry

I know that you piss me off

but then I just can’t seem to hold that damn grudge

because

I need you to validate

that we’re both crazy

And I know that best friend isn’t enough

and if anything, we’re far from lovers

But you’re something

something real to me

in this fucked up life im living