First times

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i thought i was so in love with you back then

I thought the way your blue eyes glistened

under the orange summer haze

was the most incredible thing I’d ever seen

the soft cleft on your lip

and the half smile you had stitched onto your face

made my stomach flutter

Here’s to first clumsy kisses

rolling around hidden in tall grass

evening gloom

sun kissing our hands

intertwined

oh i miss those simpler days, those first-time loves

those first-time i-want-yous

first time i think i want you in adult way

those first times i felt

kissing you turns me to fire

and i think my body wants to feel your hands

oh i miss those soft summers

first-time drinking summers

first-time legal summers

first-time secret love summers

man, i thought i was so in love with you

and I was.

I was in love with the way you treated me

for the first-time

like a woman

Farewell, Grandad.

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I never got to meet you 

But I love you like I love my father, and like my mother loves you.

She’s kinda broken, though still fierce.

Kinda messed up and kinda figuring her life out still; even though she’s already past 40.

I guess we never really stop doing that, cause life changes all the time and you’ve got to keep adapting, keep forwards. 

Her heart breaks which makes mine break even more.

So I’m hurting doubly for her.

I’m hurting too cause you were always far away, but the stories made me feel like I knew your love, always.

I got to know and love granny and I know that you were probably like her.

So I hurt again for her too. 

Losing you is like losing her all over again, and it’s hard to think that loss is inevitable in life. 

You were the last granddaddy standing. 

I hope your spirit keeps me moving for the rest of my life.

Thank you for giving me my mother.  

STUDENT LOVE: I WILL CLEAN UP YOUR VOMIT WHEN YOU NEED ME <3

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Finding a place to live when you’re in first year can be a prospect very daunting or very exciting. In most cases, the people that you meet and grow to love within the first few weeks of term become the people you begin discussing moving in with – and just like that, by Christmas, you know that you’ll have a roof over your head for the next year.

Luckily, this is how it was for me. And till this very day I do not regret my choice of companionship. But unfortunately, life has a wonderful way of ruining expectations. I know too many people who now despise the people they chose to live with. I’m sorry if you’re one of those people who have had massive fallings out with friends because of living situations. We weren’t all made to live together.

I am not one of those people. I recently had a house night out, and realised that the girls I chose to live with have actually become some of my best friends at university. They’re girls that I don’t fight with – that living with is the easiest thing in the world. That 4 months in, am still asking and being asked how my day was. We still banter for hours sitting on the stairs. We still and have a plethora of house private jokes.

I’m so damn lucky, I realised. That I’m living with immature yet responsible teenagers. We eat each other’s food and we complain about mess, but most importantly: we get along. We accept each other for the way we are. Accept that we aren’t always going to have the bins out on time and that someone will be harbouring all the cups in their room at least once a week. That’s how it should be. That’s what living with the people you love is. They support me when I need it. I hold up Meg’s hair when she’s puking after one too many Sambucas. She wipes my tears when I’m an emotional mess. Liz lovingly reprimands us all into doing the right thing. Amy laughs at us all and claims we’re a tragic bunch. We come to the consensus that we need to behave ourselves. Little by little, we’re getting there. This is what university is. Growing together.

I’m really starting to come to the realisation that every amazing thing I ever dreamed about the university experience is happening for me. I’m so grateful.

I only wish this was the case for every student out there. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not so much. But nevertheless, we do meet people who impact our lives in ways we would have never thought possible.

Prospective students, join us.

WE COULD DIE, ANY MOMENT FROM NOW.

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I spent the majority of the Christmas holidays refusing to swallow my pride. I was aggravated at my mother. She had done something, which to my teenage eyes, was a complete act of betrayal.

In reality? It was something so petty I won’t even bother disclosing.

Today I revived awful news that she is currently in a dangerous situation, and was involved in a pretty damn terrifying state of affairs in her travels to Africa. And you know what? It took less than a second for me to drop every grudge and all the mediocre bullshit I ever held against her. Those ridiculous times I thought she didn’t love me enough were forgotten. Those moments – in the heat of my teen angst – I considered that I hated her, didn’t even exist anymore. I cried instead, and thought, ‘Dammit, Sara. You’re a selfish sonofabitch.’

The fragility of life is a lesson I was thoroughly reminded of again. And is something that everyone has to try to remember. I forgot how important it is – to remember that the people we love, love us, and that we love them just as much. I think, it’s something that I don’t think that I will ever forget, despite how easy it is to, even for a little while.

My mother is the best mother that any human being could ever ask for. She’s temperamental, and sometimes pushes people over the edge. But by God, I promise you that she is the most bloody hard-working and intelligent and strong and loving woman that I have ever known.

Forgiveness, kindness and love. Remember that. Nothing else matters in the end. After all, we could die, any moment from now.