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I embody all the things pure and impure about Londonism
A proud product of its toxicity

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Toxic

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You’re the furthest thing from any form of knight in shining armour
In actuality I’ve already found mine
But I am captivated by the vigour of your free spiritedness
Somewhat consumed by the brooding of your aura
I am addicted to the way in which its easy
and the way that nothing ever needs to be said
I am captivated by our relationship of metaphors
Stimulated by the subtext of our blunt conversation
Deep ocean blue eyes that suppress everlasting adoration
Mischievous smirks that speak a world of sharp truthfulness
Truthfulness that should never be spoken
I am entranced by the shameless way you talk it anyway
And the shameful way you know it

warm. ready, loving. waiting.

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I’d not heard your voice in a while

a few days maybe

I’m not too sure maybe

But i remember when i called you last;

I masked the tears on my face by strengthening my cracking voice.

You were so far away, and i needed you

i needed the scent of your skin, the warmth of your hands,

I needed the sound of your voice, the security of your arms

because i was scared

and it was one of those days where the pessimism cut me so deep nothing could yank me out. nothing but your smile and your hair in my hands as i held on to you tight

I was scared. that my heart was breaking again, breaking prematurely, in preparation for worst case scenarios spinning out of control in my mind

so I called you that night. I called you.

I heard you,

i heard you like i hear you now.

warm. ready, loving. waiting.

you’re real

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You’re a portal in disguise of a blackhole

I don’t even know what I could possibly want from you

I don’t even know a future with you

half the damn time I don’t even know if you’re really good for me

But I know that I call you crying

and a few minutes later my tears are dry

I know that you piss me off

but then I just can’t seem to hold that damn grudge

because

I need you to validate

that we’re both crazy

And I know that best friend isn’t enough

and if anything, we’re far from lovers

But you’re something

something real to me

in this fucked up life im living

STUDENT LOVE: I WILL CLEAN UP YOUR VOMIT WHEN YOU NEED ME <3

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Finding a place to live when you’re in first year can be a prospect very daunting or very exciting. In most cases, the people that you meet and grow to love within the first few weeks of term become the people you begin discussing moving in with – and just like that, by Christmas, you know that you’ll have a roof over your head for the next year.

Luckily, this is how it was for me. And till this very day I do not regret my choice of companionship. But unfortunately, life has a wonderful way of ruining expectations. I know too many people who now despise the people they chose to live with. I’m sorry if you’re one of those people who have had massive fallings out with friends because of living situations. We weren’t all made to live together.

I am not one of those people. I recently had a house night out, and realised that the girls I chose to live with have actually become some of my best friends at university. They’re girls that I don’t fight with – that living with is the easiest thing in the world. That 4 months in, am still asking and being asked how my day was. We still banter for hours sitting on the stairs. We still and have a plethora of house private jokes.

I’m so damn lucky, I realised. That I’m living with immature yet responsible teenagers. We eat each other’s food and we complain about mess, but most importantly: we get along. We accept each other for the way we are. Accept that we aren’t always going to have the bins out on time and that someone will be harbouring all the cups in their room at least once a week. That’s how it should be. That’s what living with the people you love is. They support me when I need it. I hold up Meg’s hair when she’s puking after one too many Sambucas. She wipes my tears when I’m an emotional mess. Liz lovingly reprimands us all into doing the right thing. Amy laughs at us all and claims we’re a tragic bunch. We come to the consensus that we need to behave ourselves. Little by little, we’re getting there. This is what university is. Growing together.

I’m really starting to come to the realisation that every amazing thing I ever dreamed about the university experience is happening for me. I’m so grateful.

I only wish this was the case for every student out there. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not so much. But nevertheless, we do meet people who impact our lives in ways we would have never thought possible.

Prospective students, join us.

WE COULD DIE, ANY MOMENT FROM NOW.

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I spent the majority of the Christmas holidays refusing to swallow my pride. I was aggravated at my mother. She had done something, which to my teenage eyes, was a complete act of betrayal.

In reality? It was something so petty I won’t even bother disclosing.

Today I revived awful news that she is currently in a dangerous situation, and was involved in a pretty damn terrifying state of affairs in her travels to Africa. And you know what? It took less than a second for me to drop every grudge and all the mediocre bullshit I ever held against her. Those ridiculous times I thought she didn’t love me enough were forgotten. Those moments – in the heat of my teen angst – I considered that I hated her, didn’t even exist anymore. I cried instead, and thought, ‘Dammit, Sara. You’re a selfish sonofabitch.’

The fragility of life is a lesson I was thoroughly reminded of again. And is something that everyone has to try to remember. I forgot how important it is – to remember that the people we love, love us, and that we love them just as much. I think, it’s something that I don’t think that I will ever forget, despite how easy it is to, even for a little while.

My mother is the best mother that any human being could ever ask for. She’s temperamental, and sometimes pushes people over the edge. But by God, I promise you that she is the most bloody hard-working and intelligent and strong and loving woman that I have ever known.

Forgiveness, kindness and love. Remember that. Nothing else matters in the end. After all, we could die, any moment from now.